The Chronicle reports today that the 4-month-old baby boy who died after being left alone for hours in a car at the El Cerrito Plaza BART station was identified today as Everett Carey. This whole situation was completely tragic, heartbreaking and shockingly irresponsible. I don't care how busy you are, how stressed you are with work, or how much of a rush you are in....I cannot comprehend how someone can forget to drop of a kid at daycare and just leave him inside a parked car for hours.
I really cannot even imagine how someone can forget a child in the car, in ANY situation. To me, it is appalling. And yes, I will judge in this situation. This is so sad and I hope that little Everett is somewhere up there, peacefully enjoying the life he should have had.
I used to feel that way myself; however, after reading this article - and thinking back to when I used to drop my kids off at daycare, and how, once, I almost headed straight to the office - I have changed my mind.
This WaPo article is a good one:
That is an excellent article.
I feel for the parents. When you are running on empty anything out of the routine can lead to a fatal mistake. I say show compassion not judgement. The SF Chronicle had a similar article which I thought was also very good. I'm sure the father is devastated. Let's not heap judgement on him.
Thanks for sharing the articles. And they are both very good and balanced coverage. I understand and can imagine the circumstances. Of course these fathers were responsible and great parents. I, too, get caught up with work emails and calls while driving my son. My mind too is inundated by deadlines, work politics, and the seemingly disappearing work/life balance. My husband, the same way. But I don't think that makes this poor father's actions excusable. He has, although unintentionally, picked work over his child, and allowed work to fully preoccupy his mind to the point that he has forgotten a daily routine.
I can only imagine how devastated and heartbroken he must be. This is so sad and disturbing that it brought tears to my eyes when reading each of these related articles.
But I do think a judgment has been made by him, unintentional of course, but not the right choice. It's tough that many of us have to work full time while also making sure we are good parents. We do get completely exhausted and spent mentally and physically but when it comes down to it, only few will forget their kids in the car.
So I am not saying he is a criminal in the traditional sense-- he isn't. He made a sad and terrible mistake. But I do believe that he made a poor judgment.
It's not a judgment. It's a few seconds of distraction at a crucial, inopportune moment.
You can't choose not to be tired, when the baby keeps you up four nights running with teething pains. You can't choose to ignore that deadline at work. You can't choose to not be distracted by the ambulance and four fire trucks roaring by as you are pulled at the side of the road; and when you pull back into traffic, into your routine, only with one critical item bypassed. You don't "forget" a child for eight hours at work. Do you "remember" your child for eight hours on the day when you do drop them off successfully?
It seems to me that your assurance that you could never do that is to push away the horror of the possibility. I think realizing that it could happen to anybody -- even you, given the perfect storm of circumstances -- would serve you better in the long run. You're more likely to treat something seriously if it could actually happen to you than something that if it couldn't possibly.
Well said anon @ 3:29pm.
I agree that most parents want to believe it could never happen to us. But the reality is that it can happen to anyone. I also believe it happens to way more people than you think. The incidents where there isn't a tragic outcome fly under the radar.
Very tragic. Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post recently wrote a really eye-opening (and sad) piece about these accidents, which happen more often than you'd think.
Wow, seems like some people are trying to make excuses, defend what happened or justify what happened. I don't think it is ever right for anyone to leave their baby in the car or any excuse for it.
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